My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
