I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
