if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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