I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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