I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
