I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
