Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
