I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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