if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
