I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
