i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
