Tell her she can't have a vagina
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
