Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
