I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
