i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
