Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
