Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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