i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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