I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
