lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
