Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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