what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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