I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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