just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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