Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
