Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
