We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
