She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
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Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
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I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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