Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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