i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
