Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
