So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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