Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
its not stalking. its research.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
