Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
