Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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