This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
