You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
