I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
