so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
