also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
