remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
