i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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