Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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