well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
