How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
