how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize