redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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