Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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