i jhust puked up my retainher.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize