i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
