The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
