Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
