Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Success! We fucked roommates!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
