at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
