I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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