I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
