imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
