Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
