i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
