I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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