He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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