probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Randomize
